Obama interrupted Sotomayor’s pitch with, “You had me at ‘Latina.’”
The only thing worse than being locked in a North Korean prison for 12 years is knowing you did it for Current.TV
I just had to use shampoo all over my body because we ran out of soap. You should see my asshole hairs. I feel like Beyonce.
Why is it every cop that pulls me over takes FOREVER to cum?
It’s amazing how many Jamaican women on the Upper West Side have adopted white babies.
As a boy, I would put my flaccid penis in the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner. I was reminded of this feeling later when I fucked a single mom.
Dog the Bounty Hunter just found a fugitive hiding in his wife’s cleveage!
Give a man a bump, you have a friend for the night. Teach a man to shoot up, you have a friend for life.
Had foie gras haggis last night. It was fancy and gross. Kind of like fucking Stella McCartney.
Man on the A-train so consumed by his bible he cant see a pregnant lady needs his seat; meanwhile, the god of irony is throwing me softballs
So stuffed up I can’t breathe; only benefit was sitting in the empty section of a PACKED F-train, next to a homeless man who shat himself.
It’s just ignorant to say “Black people can’t swim” - It’s been known for years that the Deep-Water Test is culturally biased.
Instead of executing abortion doctors, how about those porn directors who insist on 30-second shots of the guy’s face and nuts?
DAMN this one salesnigga tailgating me every time we walk up the stairs. I made a fart to spin him out: Spyhunter smokescreen kid whatup!?
Who’s the sick fuck: ME, or the guy who decided schoolgirls should wear that outfit in the first place?
This project manager is so dark that she’s wearing black spandex and it literally looks like she forgot her pants.
If you’re black and you move your lips when you read, please stay off the subways; you’re squandering all of our Obama goodwill.
Whites now comprise 1% of Howard University! I doubt the females among them can walk very well after Freshman year.
At a kid’s birthday in Prospect Park, and the retard parents are calling the tug-o-war a “pull-for-peace.” My son will be gay in 3..2..1
F train was packed at 7pm on a Friday! Ngaz was jockin this blonde girl so tall she had a mexican’s face pressed into her ass.
Angelina Jolie earned an estimated $27 million over the past year, enabling her to purchase the entire infant population of Kenya.
England once ruled the world. Then it smiled, everyone saw its teeth, and the inevitable decline began.
If Adam Sandler were to stub his toe on an AIDS-fish while snorkeling in the Bahamas, it’d be the first time he made me laugh.
Sonia Sotomayor is so ugly, her face could scare Mexicans back across the border.
Weird Sex Act: A “Millard Fillmore” is when you eat the president’s asshole.
My “Things to do for 2010″ list includes a Holocaust-Survivor Pinups Calendar.
If murder is always wrong, why does God kill everyone?
A reliable source tells me that British singing sensation Susan Boyle keeps a small family of hedgehogs nestled in her vagina at all times.
Many people don’t realize that in certain gay circles, “Googling” is a slang term for inserting a mouse in your urethra.
I wonder whether Martians have racial slurs for earthlings.
I have never tripped on my laces. I only tie them to make people stop telling me they’re untied.
Why don’t you focus less on my shoes and more on the undone laces of your fucking identity?
They’re fucking shoelaces. If you want to connect with someone, express YOUR lack of completion. Weep. Confess. Share.
I guess I could just buy a pair of loafers…but Jesus Christ, how much time and energy do I put into keeping you comfortable?
I’m already wearing clothes because everyone’s so powerless they have to play poker with their dicks and tits. Now I have to tie shit, too.
@AbedG I don’t want to “tie them once.” They’re shoes. We’re human beings. When did these fucking things start wearing US?
it’s almost time to put on some pants and make a difference in the world. I bet that’s what a very lazy super hero would say.
Walking behind a man in army pants with frosted tips. Oh Somerville, MA you are full of mystery and also styles from the early 90s.
flying to Boston to visit family and give a speech at LHS graduation. I promise to not refer to a “national deficit the size of my dick.”
shouldn’t have tasted the bright green tarragon or weird parsley sodas. Oh, Russian soda, like communism you’re very sweet, but terrible.
Today I will explore New York, find one of those hidden neighborhoods and gentrify it by opening a high-end soap shop/ noodle soup place.
Fuck. My computer just broke. Bored. Might as well buy everyone on the plane a round of Tourment Absinthe and try to get a 300-way going.
Top 5 For Week Beginning 6/1/09
Top Five For Week Ending 4/10/09
I finally got my 1190 package a year and $150 later. The mix cd was the tops and the t-shirt is a t-shirt. Been riding in the most tepid, mild February/March weather, it has been good for the body after the raking and ravaging that my body endured the previous weekend. I didn't remember until Sunday afternoon that Hendo and I stole some street signs(?) @ 3 in the morning Saturday night on the way back from Tooey's. I would go back only if that short bird is spinning dub again. For some reason NOBODY cared about the great tracks she was laying down, and I danced by myself (well, there was a pint in my hand) for her entire set.
Cracked off a nice package of a brand new Coach wristlet to my cousin along with a copy of Soulwax Nite Versions (thanks Wax Trax for the special order and not ripping me off). Got the voicemail from her and her 8ish to 10ish 'breezy' girlfriends which made my fucking day. I am sure that April's jaunt to SoCal will be all the sweeter.
The street carnage radio show from last night on http://www.eastvillageradio.com/ is worth a listen.
Anyone reading this follow this link http://www.electricretard.com/. It brings back creepy/unsettling thoughts of Jon the Mod....
Thanks for the kick in the arse, stubborn 11, I need to keep the supply flowing...
P.S. I am in love...
I totally saw Danny John-Jules on the 16 back from fraud traing this afternoon. Freaked my shit out!
Pearl Raleigh is finished. Got a new iPod. Thanks to Jon @ Grinder Bikes, always does good work(http://www.grinderbikes.com/), Stubborn11 got a nice Raleigh for himself. Good to see the Joy Boys, and as always, hot bubblegum on my spine. Thanks booze.
Again, this is cracking my eggs. Reccomend getting this new album when it drops, or steal it like I did.
went to Fucked Up last night @ the Larimer. Met Vinny, had some pints, got thrown around dancing. I really thought people in this town would have been more charged(gbh-lol) about this show, but in typical Denver fashion, the crowd stood there while being poured upon and screamed at. I however was not as complacent, nor was my man Reed(who went to the 3pm free show @ wax trax and hosted an afternoon party for the band @ his place). The only thing more beat up than my left ear(thanks bass drum and treble sound guy, fucking git) is my knees. Haven't been that thrown around or abused @ a show since agnostic 5 years ago. Reed ran some great silk screens for the show, got four charlie manson posters out of it. Went to streets after, got beat by Vinnie in pool, and for some reason that Frankenstein asshole closed down @ 1:15. The place gets worse and worse. At least the juke doesn't suck pope dick. 
So stubborn 11 will recognize this guy even with the black out. The world is a small, strange place. I met this fine gentleman @ a Brooklyn roof-top BBQ thrown by the Legend and French Chris. Dude was from San Francisco, and his name was Chris, but being that the beer consumption was what it was and I am absolutely horrible with names, I had to make up a nick name so I could remember what to call him other than 'hey guy'. This guy was the tops. He was the only one that was willing to hunt Brazilian girls with me @ 3 AM in Fort Green with no locals to guide our drunk arses. I only saw him a few more times that trip, during which this good man slept in a park (because he couldn't find his way back to the apartment), rode more white horse than I have seen since, and constantly dodged calls from his girlfriend(once while getting head from a bird he met 20 minutes earlier @ the bar). He was in short, the hero of the trip.
